Days Without You
by POIphantomgirl
Summary: Absence proves everything, it's the moment feelings become real and the secrets of the heart known.
1. Chapter 1

_I have been wanting to post for a long time and this is an old idea that I've finally turned into a small story. I have not seen the show since Detective Carter's exit so it may not line up with what is going on, but it's based off of some of the things I've learned from here on fanfiction. It's mostly from Joss's perspective. And it continues with the stories that started from my first fanfic Call in the Darkness._

"Something else on your mind Detective?" John asked. He could tell from the awkward way Joss had gone silent that there was something else she wanted to say. Something that perhaps was not business related.

"Actually, I was wondering if either you or Finch had plans for dinner tonight?"

He smirked slightly thrown off by her question. "Me and Finch?"

"Yes. You _and_ Finch. I want you to have dinner with me and Taylor. If you don't have something else to do. I want Taylor to get used to being around both of you. There are so many things I have to keep hidden from him that I want to let him in on everything that I can. He's been the man in my life and I want him to know he can go to you and Finch if he ever needs to."

"You know this is going to put Finch on the spot."

"Yeah. But I get the feeling deep down he wants to be included. I mean since my accident he's been there and I also want him to know he's just as much a part of the family as you are."

John paused to lean against a light pole that overlooked the busy street. From her place in her car Joss smiled. He looked good in his sun glass and clean suit. It could easily look as though he were striking a poise for a photo shoot. "Okay. I'll let him know. What time do you want us over?"

"Six sound good? Sorry if that's early, but I do have a teenage son who has a stomach with no bottom. It'll be a miracle if I can keep Taylor tamed up until that time-"

"We'll be there Joss. Unless a number comes up."

"Good. Oh and John, you're workin' that gray shirt."

John smiled before his smile dropped. "How do you know I have-" Joss had hung up, but John got the answer to his question when he noticed her car turn the corner and go in the opposite direction. He smiled watching her drive off. He just had to make it until six.

…..

Taylor watched his mother move around the kitchen, seasoning meat, stirring a pot and chopping up vegetables. Looks like there would be no takeout tonight. His mom was going all out with a good ole fashion home cooked meal.

"Hey Mom."

She glanced up for a brief second before diligently going back to work. "Hey baby."

"You need some help?"

After quickly surveying her work she shook her head. "No. I think I got it."

"So John and Mr. Finch are coming over?"

"Mmmm-hmmmm"

Reaching out Taylor went to sneak a pinch of the food she was preparing, but his mom slapped his hand away. "Uh-uh. This is for tonight. Keep your hands off."  
Taylor chuckled as he continued watching his mother in amusement. In other words what she really was saying was, _this is for John_. It was funny. She was normally so in control and calm. But tonight things were different. Although she still appeared in control there was a touch of anxiety in her eyes. Taylor knew things between her and John were intensifying. Where as she used to only think about him and what concerned him, she now thought about John. Once she knew things were square concerning him, John was the very next person she thought. Maybe they were even more serious than Taylor thought.

"Are you and John getting serious?"

A smile broke out across her face. If her reaction was any indication Taylor had all the answer he needed. "Why are you asking?"

"Come on Mom. You invite him over for dinner and you're cooking the man a Thanksgiving feast. You're trying to impress him with your homemaker skills. Show him you know your way around a kitchen."

Placing her hands on her hips Joss sized up her son. "Oh really? Is that what you think?"

"It just makes sense Mom. You know what they say. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. That's what tonight is about. It's your way of letting John know that you can be more than just a woman who has his back or a pretty face. But you can also feed him well. It's your way of showing him you're all cop and all woman."

Joss could feel herself starting to blush. How had her son guessed her motives? She hated this. He was too perceptive now. She already had to deal with John she wasn't about to start having to pick up this battle with Taylor. "T-"

"Mom, you've got nothin' to worry about. First off you're a great cook. Plus even if you couldn't cook, John's been unable to keep his eyes off you. He's not payin' any other woman any mind. Not when he knows he's got you. I know. When I'm with him I lose count of how many times he brings you up. Trust me you're all woman and he knows it.

Joss's eyes briefly widened in shock. "Um-"

"And after tonight when he's sees your culinary skills I'll be surprised if come tomorrow you won't have him under lock and key."

"Okay. That's enough." Joss finally found her voice. "I think I'm through having this conversation with you." She began pushing him out of the kitchen."  
Taylor laughed. "I'm just telling the truth."

"Yeah well I don't care. Go. Get. Stay out til I'm finished." She turned to go back to work only to pause and yell over her shoulder. "And stop watching John when you think he's watching me!"

…..

Joss was glad Taylor didn't seem to mind being the only kid at her impromptu dinner party. Between talking with John about guns and fighting and turning around to talk with Finch about computers he barely had a moment to catch his breath. Carter was grateful for his distraction. Throughout the meal she carefully and continually stole glances at John, searching for simple signs or hints that he was enjoying the food. Unfortunately like so many times John's feelings remained hidden behind his unreadable face.

Soon John and Taylor had finished dinner and desert choosing to slip away to the nearby park for a brief game of one on one. Finch promised to help Taylor on some of his homework once he returned. Not long before they returned Joss returned to the kitchen and started to clean up. She could hear their voices from the living room. It wasn't until John stood by her side as she poured over dirty dishes that Joss realized she was no longer alone. Silently John helped her load the dishes into the dishwasher. Neither spoke they just worked in silence. Once they finished Joss closed the machine and leaned her arms against the counter. At that moment, unable to hold back any longer John wrapped his arms around her waist hugging her close from behind.

"You got something on your mind John?" She asked using his words from earlier. She loved being in his arms. His attention had become her addiction.

"You didn't have to do this you know."

"What?"

"Impress me with dinner."

Joss gritted her teeth. She hated how well John could read her. Could she keep anything a secret? She chose to remain silent not wanting to prove him right.

"You don't have to impress me. You know you already have my attention. I eat out most nights anyway." She chuckled while he kissed her temple. They had come so far.

Footsteps sounded from the living making John move away from Joss, in expectation of seeing Taylor's face. Joss was not put off by his sudden distance. He always made it a habit to not be hugged up on her when Taylor was present never wanting to send her son the wrong message.

"Hey John. FYI. Finch said you have a work emergency you need to deal with."

John plugged Joss with a knowing look. "Thanks for dinner," he said leaning in for quick peck. "I gotta go. Bye Taylor."

"Keep it real John."

"Night John." Joss watched him go. She was so happy. Was her life complicated? Absolutely! Was it safe and secure? Definitely not! But was she satisfied and complete. Without the shadow of a doubt. Her life had become so entangled with John's that she couldn't and didn't want to think of what her things would be like if she had never met him. It may have taken them some time to get to this point, but she was glad at last they were here. She was glad that they were both trying each day to make this work. They had figured out, whatever this was, and she couldn't let it go. So help her God she never would.


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you for the reviews! Feedback is always great. I will be replying to each one if I haven't done so yet, but I wanted to get this next chapter posted._

_Four Weeks Later _

Heat. Everything was heating up. Joss didn't understand all there was to know about this enemy that had been unleashed against John and Finch, but she knew it wasn't good. With each passing day John grew more cautious. He started insisting they use more caution and make sure to keep their relationship under the radar. No matter how great this threat was he refused to push her away. But unfortunately they had to take drastic measures to keep her safe from the eyes of this enemy that seemed to see everything at once.

Joss bore it as best she could, but she was disheartened. The peacefulness of their relationship from just a few weeks ago was gone. Only to be overshadowed by uncertainty. She always knew this could happen. One minute things would be fine, but all it took was the right threat. The right person who could stay one step ahead of the game. At this rate Joss could only guess that perhaps another machine existed. One that was just as powerful as what Harold had created.

For the first time since she and John had been together she was truly scared. The future was so unsure. Although John would never admit it she knew this enemy was beyond his control, it was beyond Finch's control, which meant as of yet they could not stop it, only evade it. Mostly Joss feared where and how this all would end. Feared that it would only result in someone's death. In John's death. She now understood how John must have felt during her battle with HR. The constant worrying. The nagging feeling that at any moment he could be taken from her without her knowing. She couldn't lose him. She just couldn't.

…..

Ducking back behind the wall John barely missed the bullet whizzing past him. He turned his eyes on Carter who held her gun up waiting to fire. Fusco was next to her equally alert. How had things gotten this far out of control? He hadn't even meant for Joss to be here, yet she had come the minute she learned he was in trouble. They barely had a moment to say hello before bullets were flying, leaving John to pray that none of them connected with her skin.

"Go John!"  
"I'm not leaving you."

"You have to go. They won't come after us once they realize you've gone. We've given you the opening you need now go."

The sternness in her voice let him know he was dealing with Carter the soldier and interrogator. She wasn't thinking like a woman right now. She was thinking like a detective. Her concern being for his safety.

"Joss-"

"I'll be fine. Go! Please John. Go now!" It was the please and the brief softness in her eye that got him. Before he could stop himself he ran leaving Joss and Fusco behind.

… 

John felt numb. He had to tell her. He knew it had to be done, but still he didn't want to. Once again he took a heavy breath. He hadn't felt this weighed down in a long time. How could he do this? How could he just walk away? He knew Joss would understand. She would be strong, but he still didn't know if _he_ would be strong enough. He was going in circle. Whether he wanted to do it or not he would have to. And if he wanted to speak to her again he would have to do it now.

Swallowing he dialed her number.

…..

When her phone buzzed Joss nearly fell over trying to answer. "John?" She answered anxiously not bothering to check the ID.

"Yeah. It's me."  
"Are you okay? Is everything alright?"

"For now."

She released a breath relaxing onto her couch. "Where are you?"

"I can't tell you that."

Just like that her breath faltered again. "Why not?"

"In case they ever question you, you can give them an honest answer."

Shifting Joss tried to brace herself for whatever John was about to tell her. She knew it was going to be something that would be tough to hear. And she knew she was not ready for it. "What does this mean?"

"We have to go into hiding."

"All of you?"

"Yes. I have no idea when we'll be back or how. If there's a chance for us to make it out of this alive we have to be dead to the world for some time. Finch has already set the plan in motion. I won't even be able to use the same phone or…. anything more. We have to start fresh. Cut everything off. I'm unsure when this line will cut out even now."

Joss tried to keep her head from spinning. "Do I at least get to keep Fusco," she joked, just barely before she had to bite her lip to stifle a cry. Closing her eyes Joss tried to calm herself. There was so much to take in at once. "So," she swallowed thickly. "this is goodbye?"

He didn't answer right away. "For now." The words were rough, gravelly as if he had to force them out.

Joss tried to think of something to say. But couldn't and neither could he. An understanding silence filled the air. A silence that expressed far more than words ever could. John hated this. Save for the first two and half years, in which he had known Joss, he hadn't resisted this relationship. Since they had been together he had been open and he had never pushed her away. Had never walked away from her, yet now he was being forced to. If they were going to ever have the chance for a future he would have to leave.

Joss knew how hard this was for him. After all their work to build a relationship. To finally let their feelings lead them. Why, just when things were perfect, did this enemy greater than both of them have to rise? She blinked and one errant tear slipped from the corner of her eye. "I know John. I know everything you're thinking. Everything you want to say. Don't worry about it. I know you wouldn't leave if there was any other way for you to stay. Just promise me you'll come back to me."

Even though she was putting on a brave front John could hear the brokenness and fear in her voice and it nearly crushed his spirit. He couldn't stop the lone tear that trailed down his cheek. "You have my word." He paused. "Joss?"

Jocelyn savored hearing her name on his lips. It took her back to that day he had called her and first asked her out. Even though they were on the phone and no where near each other she felt as if they were standing in the same room. "Yeah, John."

"I-"

Click.

Joss flinched. It took only a moment for her to realize they had been disconnected. She couldn't even consider calling him back. She knew there would be no answer. Slowly and full of reluctance she lowered the phone from her ear with a shaking hand. Holding it in her hands she stared down at the darkened electronic. Oddly it made her feel close to John. Her channel to him. Silence settled in around her and the weight of her new reality accompanied it. Yet she couldn't move. Didn't want to. She wasn't ready to begin forcing herself through each day. She just wanted to savor this moment. It would the be the last time for God only knew how long, that she would know exactly what John was doing. He was holding his phone just as she was now, and having the same thoughts. Separated they were oddly connected.

At least an hour she held that position. Didn't move, didn't do anything just cradled her phone. When Carter finally did lay down for bed she made certain the phone rested comfortably on her pillow.


	3. Chapter 3

The first day was strange. Joss woke up feeling so empty but she felt only the desire to fight. She kept picking up her phone to dial his number, only to be quickly reminded that there would be no answer. Moping wasn't an option. She had to press on. Wherever John was, whatever he was up to he would need her to carry on as if nothing had changed. The days that followed were dull and endless. If not for Taylor, Joss was certain she would have lost her mind.

She walked into the office once again preparing for another day of hard work. She made an extra effort to watch her back and to not go looking for any more trouble than necessary since she didn't have John to show up and rescue her if she made too many enemies. Another day past and she sighed as she went through paper work on her desk. It wasn't until Fusco leaned against the surface that she realized he had even approached. Her gaze lifted.

"You 'bout finished up Carter?"

She blinked trying to reel her mind in. "Uh. Yeah. Just…" She hesitated. She had finished her work, but had spent the past ten minutes absent-mindedly going through files. "Never mind. I guess, I'm done."

Fusco risked a smile. "You got any plans for tonight?"

She shook her head dryly not wanting to be reminded of how John wouldn't be there to meet her after her shift.

"So what are you gonna do?"

Halfheartedly she shrugged. "Just go home. Sleep."

Fusco had gotten used to her unenthusiastic attitude and her short answered responses. He hadn't ever seen Carter like this. It wasn't like her to be so distracted. No matter what personal matters she usually was dealing with she never let it affect her work. She buried it deep and carried on like the soldier she was. Of course he knew she was steadily falling for Wonderboy, but now he was beginning to see exactly how much. "Why not go out with me? Catch a movie or something?"

Her brown darkened eyes looked back at him. "No. I don't think so Fusco. I just want to go home."

Fusco couldn't take this. He normally wouldn't risk ruffling Carter's feathers. But he cared too much about her to sit back and let her be miserable. "Joss. Come on. Come out with me. There's no use in you going home to spend the night moping and thinking about Wonderboy." For a moment her eyes flared and Fusco noticed a touch of her old spark. "You know it's what he would want. We don't know when the misfits are going to show back up. But for now try and enjoy life. He'd want you happy."

Joss didn't speak right away. Words were lost to her as she let herself think. She felt so low that she didn't even want to lift herself up. Being happy felt like a direct betrayal to John. God knew all she did was worry about him. Allowing herself to be happy felt like she was moving on without him. But she also knew Fusco was right. John would hate it if she was miserable. She ought to at least try and enjoy some things. "Okay."

…

Joss was so glad she changed her mind and Fusco was able to talk her into going out. For the first time since John had been gone she actually laughed. She smiled. A real smile. She knew Fusco went out of his way with his comedic remarks just to continuously keep that smile on her face or get a chuckle out of her. She thanked God it worked. In spite of their rough beginnings Fusco really proved to be a good friend.

Unfortunately the sweet solace she found in the few hours away with Fusco didn't last. When her eyes closed Joss's thoughts took control and John found his way into her dreams.

She saw his face. He was standing and the city was like a haze behind him. He was near. So very near...

_He smirked at her, those blue eyes looking directly into her own. She touched his face. Her fingers gracing his jaw half in fear half in hope. "You would show up now."_

"_It's your dream detective."_

_She felt herself laugh. Why did he have to be so handsome? "Would it kill you to pick up a phone and let a person know how you're doing once in a while?"_

"_Actually it just might."_

_Joss smiled moving closer to him. "I want you to come home."_

"_I haven't had a home for a long time."_

"_Shut up. You know what I mean. You're home is here. With me." Her other hand moved up to caress his face. "Come home to me. I miss you. I thought I was stuck with you."_

"_You are. Doesn't this prove it?"_

"_Dreams of you aren't enough."_

"_For now. They have to be."_

_She swallowed thickly. Her breath hitched when she notice that the tangibleness of John was fading. "Don't go," she pleaded._

"_I have to. It's almost time for you to wake up."_

_She soaked in his features. Desperately trying to memorize everything about him. How had she let two and half years go by knowing this man and resisting the feelings she felt for him? "I don't want to wake up. Please let me stay sleep. Just like this with you."_

_He kissed her forehead. It felt so real. So much like him. "You have to. Think of Taylor."_

_She fought a groan. She was tired of putting herself second. She wanted to be selfish. She had fought for so long. Now she wanted to fight for herself. She wanted do things for Jocelyn. "I need you John. I have so many things I need to tell you."_

"_I have things I want to tell you. And I will. Just not now."_

"_But you need to know. What if you don't come back?"_

_Hearing the tears in her voice and the frustration his lips came to hers. His kiss. She had missed this even more. "If I don't come back, just know I love you."_

"_John…" _A bold and consistent buzzing began to fill her ears, pulling her from sleep.

"_I have to go Jocelyn."_

"_No. John."_

"_Wake up. You have to wake up..."_

It was no use. Her alarm clock carried her from the dream against her will. She groaned and slammed the alarm off. If she didn't have good control over her anger she would have thrown it across the room. Joss shoved her back into the bed staring at the ceiling feeling tears on the brim of her eyes. She couldn't take it. She threw off the covers slipped over her bed falling to her knees.

"God please keep him safe. I need You to keep him safe. I need _him_. I don't want to live without John. For whatever reason, You saw fit for him to come into my life. Now I'm asking, for my sake. Please don't take him from me. God I'm just asking for Your mercy. Please bring him back to me."

…..

Hesitantly Joss walked into the conference room used for multiple purposes at the precinct. The Lieutenant Barker stood behind the table, a stern look on her face. "Have a seat Detective."

Carter did as asked.

"We called you hear today to acknowledge your hard work. Detective Carter you have proved yourself a dedicated cop. And a cop committed to justice."

She swallowed nervously.

"Above all I am most impressed with how you continued to uphold your duty after you were unjustly demoted. Therefore because of your integrity and dedication in service I would like to offer you position as captain of this precinct."

Joss's head dropped in disbelief. She was silent staring straight at the man before her. Had she hear him right? Captain? Her?

"Me?" she voiced.

For the first time since she had entered the lieutenant smiled. "Yes. You'd be the first woman to hold the position, if you accept. And of course it would include a pay raise. And more authority."

Joss couldn't believe it. She let her back rest against the chair taking the support it offered. "I…" she blew out a breath. "Can I have some time to think about it?"

…..

"He asked you to be captain?" Fusco couldn't believe it.

"Yeah and you think you were shocked." Carter replied taking a swig of her coffee. She shook her head.

"What'd you tell him?"

"I told him I'd think about it. What do you think I should do?"

"Gosh Carter why are you asking me? It's your decision not mine."

"But what do you think? Could I make a good captain?"

"Carter what kinda question is that? You ain't no joke now. As captain," he blew out a breath. "Let me say this, you'll whip the department in shape. You single handedly took down HR. Or have you forgotten that?"

"I had help."

"Sure at the _end_. The rest was on you."

Humbly one corner of her mouth lifted.

"Being honest."

She shifted so she could look at him sincerely interested in hearing what he had to say.

"As a partner I'll miss you. We're friends Carter." She smiled in agreement. "But this is a good opportunity for you. You deserve this and the city needs someone like you in that position."

There was a moment of silence.

"What about John?" she asked quietly. "What…what do you think he will say?"

"He's not here."

"I know. But when he comes back. What do you think he'd say about me being captain?"

"He had no problem with you being a Detective."

She rolled her eyes. "Can't you be serious Fusco?"

"It's your choice. Being captain may make it easier for you to help the guardians of the galaxy and avoid suspicion."

"I've thought about that." She sighed. It seemed like now days all she had time to do was think about things. With one hand she rubbed her temple. She had no idea how things might change once John returned. She didn't want to make plans that would throw their relationship off. God was her witness that she would pack and leave all of it if that's what it took for her to stay with John. One thing however kept gnawing at her. Fusco was right. John wasn't here. While he was gone she needed to make her own decision about what she wanted to do.


	4. Chapter 4

_Thank you thank you thank you for the reviews! It is great hearing what you all think! I have just a few chapters to go. _

Joss managed to give her son a big grin as he came through the door, his dad not far behind. She had missed Taylor even though he had been gone for just a few days. Nevertheless she was also glad he had had a chance to get out of the house. As hard as she was trying she had a feeling that being around her wasn't the most fun thing in the world right now. She encased Taylor in a big hug giving him a tight squeeze before letting go. "Hey baby. Did you have a good time with your dad?" she questioned as he pulled away.

"Yeah. It was coo.' We hung out. Had a good time."

"I'm glad."

"I gotta take my stuff up to my room."

Nodding Joss stepped out of his way before turning to Paul who still stood on the other side of the threshold. She waved for him to come in. "You don't have to leave yet Paul. If you don't want to."

A small smile came across his face and he stepped in. "Are you busy? I actually wanted to talk to you."

"Okay." She crossed her arms signaling to him that she ready to talk.

"Do you want to go grab something to eat?"

Joss tried not to look suspicious. She was at peace with her ex husband. They had come to an understanding, but in all this time he had yet to ask her to go anywhere with him without Taylor being present. Maybe something happened over the weekend concerning their son and he wanted to let her in on it. A sudden unease filled her. "Let me grab my purse."

Once they were seated at the diner Joss looked up at Paul in nervous anticipation. However his face was calm. He showed no hints of a storm on the horizon. Folding his hands together he rested them on the surface of the table. "First off congratulations on the job offer."

It took a second for her to gather what he said and to realize it wasn't bad. "Oh! Thank you."

He smiled. "Captain?"

"Yeah. It's a surprise, but a good offer."

"You deserve it."

"Thanks Paul." She waited wanting him to state the real reason he brought her here.

His eyes met her seriously. "Are you doing okay?"

She figured he was just being courteous. Whatever he had to tell her must be serious because he sure was stalling. "I'm fine Paul. How are you?"

He shook his head. "No. Are _you_ okay?"

The question stunned her. That's when she realized how serious his gaze was. How he was looking through her. Maybe this wasn't about Taylor at all. Had he brought her here because he was worried about her? She considered his question. How was she doing? Awful. And if Paul was asking her this question that must mean she wasn't doing a good job of hiding her misery as well as she had hoped. Well since he knew there was no sense in keeping up pretenses. She sighed. "I'm okay." She said with a small smile.

His look told her he knew better. "Is it…John?"

She blinked. Just hearing the man's name brought a rush of emotions that she couldn't control.

"Is he still gone? Taylor mentioned he had to leave."

"Yeah." Joss chose her words carefully. She knew Taylor shared certain things about her relationship with John to her ex, but she still made certain to be cautious. "He had a situation with his job. He does very risky work and he's had to go away for a little while. I'm just not sure how long he'll be gone."

Paul nodded. "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to get in your business. You just haven't been yourself lately."

She took a breath. "I know. It's been really hard here without him. He promised he'd come back. It's rough not being able to talk to him and hear him reassure me." Joss swallowed. She was a little surprise at how freely she was speaking to her ex husband about her boyfriend. What could she say? She missed the man and needed to get the burden out. How was this making Paul feel?

Joss let out an embarrassed laugh. "I'm sorry. It's been a while."

Paul paused leaving Joss to watch him as she tried to judge his next move. He seemed to want to say more, but was holding back. Finally he cleared his throat. "Jocelyn, please forgive me for what I'm about to say, but I know I may not get another chance like this, so I have to risk it."

Joss's brow pinched.

"I know you have something going with this man John. But I have to know, if he doesn't come back, or even if he does, is there anything left between you and me?"

Joss's eyes widened.

"I know I messed up. I didn't appreciate you or fight for you the way I should have, but we were married Jocelyn. We had a beautiful life together while it lasted. We have a son. I wanted to give you time to get used to me being back in both you and Taylor's life before I said anything, but it had always been my intention to at least try and get back what we lost. I just hadn't planned on you moving on when you did. Is there anything left to build on? To rekindle what we had?"  
For a moment all Joss could do was sit and run his words over again and again in her head. She had not seen this coming. First a job offer and now Paul…? She thought they had come here to talk about their son not to see if they could somehow get back together. She licked her lips and sat further up in her seat. "Listen Paul… I… You're right. We did have a good life together. For a time. I loved you and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, at the time," she repeated.

"And I will always be grateful to you that we created Taylor. But, Paul I'm not the woman you knew back then. I've had to stand on my own two feet so long. I'm different now. And that part of my heart isn't up for grabs anymore. It belongs to John. Because of him, I learned how to lean on someone again. I love him. Hopelessly. And I'm going to wait for him. No matter how long it takes.

_We'll_ always have Taylor. He'll be our eternal connection, but I'm John's. What we had was over. It ended when John came into my life. Now I don't want you to resent John because I told you this. But remember you had sixteen years that you could have come back and maybe we could have worked things out. Our time is just gone."

She waited hoping she hadn't hurt him with her words, but she had to be honest. She wouldn't betray John or have him return only to learn that she had rekindled things with her ex. He nodded with acceptance. He reached out and lay a hand over hers. "Okay. I just had to ask. Like I said, I didn't know if I'd ever get another chance."

Joss nodded. She might have been angry, but she wasn't. Perhaps if Paul had come back sooner maybe she would have considered. But John was the deciding factor. The moment she met him, she knew she would have been unable to consider going back to her ex. "I hope he comes back soon."

She was touched. "Me too."

"I wish you too the best."


	5. Chapter 5

The door was pushed open and Joss stepped into her home. Gently she closed it with a gentle click. Her feet dragged as she stepped further into the hall coming to the small table and mirror where she usually sat her keys and phone. Slipping out of her jacket she let it fall to the floor. She didn't have the strength to care about hanging it up.

_Four months_.

Four. Long. Dreary. Months.

And still nothing. What if she never saw him again? What if he wasn't alive? She had been so worried that in their last few moments she didn't even get the chance to tell him how deeply she cared for him. He hadn't gotten the chance to know, or to hear her say that she loved him.

The weight of it all finally overcame her. Did he know? Did he _really_ know? She couldn't take it! Covering her face the tears came. Her chest heaved as the emotions that had been locked up for so long were released. She yearned for the man who filled her mind and visited her in her sleep. _Her_ man in the suit. His name was at the tip of her tongue and she was about to call it out in her sadness when a voice behind kept her from doing so.

"Alright Joss. Who made you cry? Who do I need to kill?"

Joss gasped jerking her tearstained face upward so she could look down the hall. She couldn't believe it. He was here. John was here. In his leather jacket, he stood tall, dominating, and as handsome as ever. She was briefly aware of Taylor standing behind him, but her eyes were only for John. Longing overcame her and she ran down the hall crashing against his chest, she latched onto him as tightly as she could burrowing against him. She wanted his presence to engulf her. To seep into her bones until she had no doubt that he was here. That he was home.

John quickly wrapped his arms around her smaller frame holding her equally close. He could feel her tears dampening the front of his shirt and hear her shuttering cries. He hated to see his detective cry. She was so strong that he knew when she broke it was because she was at wit's end. Unfortunately though, if there was anyone he would need to shoot for her tears it would have to be himself. These past months had been pure torment without her. He fought every day to stay alive just so he could come back to her. He had prayed more than he had in his entire life. He was glad to know he had not been alone in his fight.

As Joss continued to cry Taylor walked passed them giving John a wink before heading upstairs. John shifted his arms so he could hold Carter closer. It felt so good to hold her. Suddenly her gripped loosened. Her hands reached up to hold his face, but her eyes remained closed. Gently she rubbed her temple against his chin and jaw enraptured with the simple touch. John was in awe. Only now, witnessing her reaction was he able to understand how deeply he had been missed. She seemed to breathe in his presence.

"I love you John."

John stilled at the words she had exhaled. His eyes widened as he looked at her even though she continued to keep hers closed. As if sensing his shock and doubt she repeated herself.

"I love you."

John swallowed feeling his own eyes go wet. Those words were the final balm to his heart that had been healing ever since God had allowed this woman to enter his life. How did this happen? How did a detective and a vigilant come together?

John wanted to laugh and cry. He always thought he would be the one to say those words first. But she beat him to it. She was in love with him. Detective by-the-book Jocelyn Carter was in love with him.

He rested his head on top of hers. "I love you Jocelyn."

She laughed wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Excuse me, Mr. Reese."

John had to clear his throat several times before he dared to speak. "Finch, do we have to talk now?"

"Sorry, John, but I wanted to make sure you have gotten to Carter okay."

"Hi Finch," Joss interrupted grinning.

"Hello Joss. I hope all is well. We've tried to be as expeditious as possible in the past-"

"I missed you too Harold. I'm glad you're okay."

"Thank you Joss." Even though she couldn't see him she knew he was smiling.

"You two enjoy the night. I'll be in touch. Oh and John you will let me know what s-"

"Yes Finch. I will." John disconnected the call glad he and John were alone again. He still had his arms wrapped around her waist.

"Business first. I'm happy you're here. Ecstatic to be exact, but is it safe? I won't ask you to stay if it'll mean your death. Listen to me," again she held his face looking deep into his eyes. "I don't care. I'm not letting go. If you have to keep running, I will leave and run with you."

For a brief moment he touched his head to hers. "You don't have to worry about doing that. It's fine now. I have to have a new identity and there are some other adjustments that have to be made, but I can stay."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm staying Joss. I'm not leaving you or Taylor again. But after your offer even if I did have to run I would let you know. I wouldn't be dumb enough to let you go. I'm in this for the long hall."

She was silent and that was when he shifted. Dropping one arm his hand dug into his pocket. "I really had hoped to do this some place romantic, with you in some fancy dress, me in a tux," he muttered slipping out of his jacket after grabbing an item from his pocket. "You deserved that much, but I can't wait and this oddly seems like the perfect time."

Before Joss could question what in the world he was talking about he brought the object up to her view. It was a small box. He opened it and her breath caught. She had to place a hand over her heart.

"It's a ring. John that's a ring!"

He chuckled. She was yelling at him as if he hadn't known what was in the box from the beginning. "Marry me Jocelyn Carter. I don't want anything between us anymore. Let me be with you every day. If there's anyone I would stay with until death do us part, it'll be you. You know you're stuck with me either way." He shrugged. "You might as well make it worth your while."

She couldn't believe it. He bought her a ring. He came back and wanted to marry her. She never considered being a wife again. But John wanted her to be his. Disregarding the ring she reached her arms up until they locked around his neck. She lay a soft kiss to his lips. "Yes. Yes!"

Lifting her by the waist John held her close. Holding a wide grin Taylor peeked in on them. "What did she say?"

In response John set Joss on her feet and slipped the ring onto her finger. Holding her hand up to Taylor he said, "What does this tell you?"

"Thank God!" He ran to hug his gleaming mother. She squeezed him tightly knowing what this would mean. Knowing how their lives would change once she married. Once she gave her life to John. "I'm happy for you Mom. I want this for you."

She sighed in relief. "Thank you baby."

"Well, I'm out."

"Where are you going?"

"To let you have some time to catch up. John." Taking his cue John tossed Taylor the keys to his car.

"Just try not to get it wrecked."

"You got it."

Joss could only laugh as he went out the door. "Is this how it's going to be from now on?"

John smiled drawing her to him again. "No." he began to lower his head, looking into his future. Into the woman who would give him everything he at once could not even dare to dream about. "It'll be even better."

_I hope you liked it. I enjoyed writing it. Thank you for all the reviews. Careese is always fun to play around with. Plan on writing more and eventually showing a Careese wedding hopefully in the near future. I also may have an epilogue for this story._


	6. Chapter 6

Joss linked one arm around John's neck and let it fall across his chest, as he lay stretched out on her couch, his head resting against her chest. Twisting her free hand she wiggled her fingers, letting the ring catch the light. She smiled at the way it glittered. She was getting married!

"You okay Joss?"

"Why do you keep asking me that?"

John smirked, amused. She must not have realized she had been wistfully sighing every few minutes.

"I'm fine. Better than fine."

John held the hand that rested over his heart. He entangled their fingers. He felt at home. He couldn't believe this was going to be his new normal. Coming home to Joss, waking up to her, holding her and letting her hold him. John tugged on her arm pulling her a little closer. "I love you."

Joss looked down at the top of his head. "I love you too." She lifted her left hand and began gently running her fingers through his hair. John had never looked more relaxed or more at home. Had he finally found rest? With her? She couldn't quite believe it. How long had he wandered? Even when they were just friends, it was that painful look in his eyes that had always been her undoing. It made her heart soften towards him and made her want to see him find rest. To want to help him every step of the way. Now she was going to be his wife. John Reese was going to finally settle down. Well, maybe not settled down literally, but he _would_ be married and _off_ the market.

She rested her cheek on top of his head.

"What kind of wedding do you want?"

Joss hesitated. She hadn't considered that. "I don't know. Something simple. You realize this is your first wedding. Is there any special way you want it?"

It was quiet while he thought. "Doesn't matter. As long as you're there. And as long as it's soon."

Straightening she began running her fingers through his hair again. "I won't keep you waiting John. Besides I already have a few ideas up my sleeve. I'll have the perfect wedding put together for us without the hassle and stress in just a few weeks."

Leaning back onto her lap he looked up at her face. "You really think you can handle that Carter?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Are you trying to dare me? If I can handle working for you, taking down HR and surviving a bullet to the chest, trust me I can handle putting together a simple wedding in three weeks."

Rubbing her arm John threw her his half smile. "Well you've never disappointed Joss." Satisfied she grinned. "I'll be a good husband." He said after a moment's pause.

"Do you think I questioned if you would?"

"No. But life happens Joss. We've seen couples drift apart after a few years. I promise I'll be good to you and I'll be faithful. I'll always come home to you."

Joss was quiet letting him finally voice all the promises he had longed to give to the woman he loved. Promises he never thought he would ever be able to give much less fulfil simply because he never thought he would find someone to marry.

"I'll even put up with you jumping down my throat and nagging me."

"I might jump down your throat, but I _don't _nag."

"You can put Taylor first. I won't come between you two and I don't mind being second."

"I know John."

Again it was quiet and Joss sensed that the next promise he wanted to make was a struggle for him to say. He swallowed. "And if ever you want me to quit what I do, just say the word. I'll do it."

His voice was lower, and Joss leaned back in doubt. He was serious. She knew what working for Harold meant to him. The purpose he found in it. How the work helped him move beyond his past. But he just said he would give it up for her.

"John. I know how you feel about that job. It's part of who you are. You let Jessica go because who you are and what you do was not going to fit into her life. Well guess what? It fits into mine. You don't have to quit."

"Promise me one thing Joss."

"What?"

"Promise no matter what happens, you'll be there with me."

"I promise John. I'm not going anywhere." Bending over him she gave him a kiss.

"Three weeks?"

"Three weeks," Joss promised.

_This is very much long overdue. I have one more part to the story that will probably be written as a separate one shot involving Taylor and John. Thanks to all those who have followed this story. I hope you enjoyed the conclusion and thanks for the reviews! __J_


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